He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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