Umm I'm too high to move.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
