I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
