According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
