do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
