you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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