fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
