we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
