Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
one two three fourrrrnication!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Never underestimate the power of titties
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
