I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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