it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
