So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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