i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
