I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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