I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
