You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
