So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
