tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
