This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
