the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
