I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
