I heard we made out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
