i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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