hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
