3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you inspire me to be a worse person
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
