Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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