My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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