I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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