he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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