real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
