Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
