then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
