I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
