I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
