As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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