moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm at about main and main street
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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