'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My vagina is officially offended.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
