Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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