I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
