of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
