the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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