Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
