I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
