So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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