No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
