wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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