I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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