What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
