I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There r osticjed everywhere
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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