I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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