uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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