I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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