Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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