I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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