When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
