Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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